My first night here at LiveJournal is a night identical to so many others. Like every Friday, I spent the better part of the day with Sabrina - not to mention, we made sweet, sweet love twice, amongst other...acts.
I'm sure you didn't want to read that. I'm sorry.
No, I'm not really, but I thought you might like me to be.
Sabi and I also went out for breakfast....at a Chinese food restaurant. First time I've ever done that, and it definitely won't be the last time. So freaking good....you can't even imagine how much I loved it.
I sound like a glutton. Maybe I am. I have been prone to overindulging on just about anything I come to enjoy. It's like I can't get enough of it or them, until finally, I'm fiending like a crack addict and doing everything in my power to find my way back to.....whatever or whoever it/they might be.
I'm so lost sometimes. I feel like I'm all alone, even when I know Sabi is just a phone call away. It's like I've had too much of her, and now, everything seriously sucks like never before when she's not around.
Then I snap out of it. Then I remember that I've always been this way. Then I start to break away.
Then she clings to me. Then I laugh uncomfortably. Then we work our way through the dilemma, until the end of the week pops up.
Then we lose ourselves in one another and everything's perfect all over again.
I'm thankful I have a relationship with someone that I know will last. At times, it seems like it might just fail, but then a second later, I recall how far we've come and how very little the problem we are then butting heads over truly is - compared to problems that have broken us both down to nothing, only for us to build a brand new state of happiness out of our collective emptiness.
I guess we're meant to be - whatever that means. I don't believe in fate and I sure as anything don't believe in destiny - but if I did, I'd be spitting those words out on to this page right now because she's the closest thing to either of those for me, a jaded, sometimes entirely emotionally vacant tyrant.
If she can do this to me, then there must be hope yet for me to come around all the way and find what I often think I am not meant to find: happiness, peace of mind, ultimate stability, completion in the form of us.
I'm beaming now. It's too bright. I'm going back to the shadows - but this won't be the last of everything.